Memento Itinere: Remember the Journey

In a few weeks, I will find myself speaking to a group of seniors involved in the Catholic campus ministry at their university as they prepare to finish up their studies and enter the next phase of life, whatever that may be. Regardless of age, the reality of huge life transitions elicits many emotions. The emotions that accompany the process of working through endings and into new beginnings are fairly universal, as human beings we are wonderfully complex while also being beautifully simple creatures. Previous life experiences with change, as well as the specific circumstances which surround the transition itself can be helpful indicators as to the overall preparedness and ability to navigate the transition in a healthy manner.

Gradual movement through life events that normally accompany age over time has a far different emotional impact and results in a different emotional process than definitive events like college graduations and, the reason for this particular post, a move to a different parish for a pastoral assignment.

Here in my archdiocese, I have no doubt that as of this writing, the men who will be moving to different parishes already know that they are in their last months of this particular assignment. Those men have already begun the internal (and potentially external) process of transition, despite the potential ignorance of many important others in close proximity to them.

Locally, these moves stay quiet at a public level until a particular designated date when they are all publicly revealed in the affected parishes across the archdiocese. Perhaps the assignments and reassignments happen differently in your diocese, but for the purposes of this post, what I hope to offer are some considerations that perhaps will assist you if you are among the pool of clergy being reassigned. An awareness of the process of experiencing transitions, that is, the what and the how of the experience, is as important (or maybe even more so) as the content of the transition, that is the logistics and the facts of the move.

Remembering that we are all pilgrims on a journey to Heaven perhaps might offer a beneficial perspective to hold in the midst of this process for you. When I recall that I am also a pilgrim on a journey, I am reminded of my pilgrimage on the Danube River to celebrate my thirtieth wedding anniversary several months ago. In addition to the very practical, human experience of being on that pilgrimage, the journey itself left me with metaphors that speak clearly about the pilgrimage of life. I suppose that’s one of the simplest, but most obvious, reasons to become a pilgrim at all. A pilgrimage is both a real-time lived experience and an event that points to something greater.

The complexity of thought and emotion that you may be experiencing right now is expressive of the reality that every moment of this transitional process is simultaneously a leaving, a being present to the moment, and an anticipated arrival. No wonder it can feel so overwhelming at times! For you, as you prepare to leave one pastoral assignment and arrive at another, any particular moment of this transitional process might well evoke grief, excitement and confusion (or a host of other emotions and thoughts) all at the same time.

After all, you are leaving more than just a place, and you did more than just things—you invested in people, you formed relationships with people, you loved (and were challenged by!) people. And to leave the place with those people (and not really be gone, since you’ll still be in the diocese) and become inaccessible to or more distant from the very same people you walked so deeply with, and perhaps found incredible support from, is intensely challenging. These are endings that both are and are not endings at the same time.

Endings themselves are tough, even when it’s something we wanted or asked for.

Beginnings are challenging in their own way and the time in between both the ending and the beginning is the transition. The messiness involved in letting go, wrestling with what didn’t get finished, and saying good-bye while simultaneously preparing the place for the new guy to step in and also getting your heart and mind ready to launch into the next assignment is real. And to top it off, you also have to literally physically purge meaningful items and pack and physically move to a new residence, while still doing all of the above!

It can be very easy and tempting to stay laser-focused on the to-dos. I’m sure the list is long and probably some very important tasks are on that list. But my most heartfelt encouragement is to pay attention to you in the midst of this change. The to-dos will or won’t get done. And people will or won’t be happy with you about that. But you will be present with you through the whole thing. And you’re worth paying attention to because God wants something for you as much as people will want something from you in the going or the coming.

In the counseling profession, there is a saying that I hold dear because of its truth—we have to slow down to go fast. That doesn’t mean do tasks slower, it means being more intentional about the present moment experience of what is happening within you and between you and others. We all navigate complexities better when we are internally slow and attentive.

Intentional prayer and reflection on various aspects of the move inevitably will reveal to you personal growth you experienced, obstacles that were or were not able to be overcome and the people who were present with you at varying levels through it all. Reflecting on those aspects while also experiencing the actual movements through the transition will elicit various emotions. The experience of emotions necessarily leads to the expression of emotions. Slowing down to pay attention to what emotional experience and expression looks like for you is an important part of any human being’s growth in self-possession.

When you are able to slow down and be present to you, you are more able to be curious about what is happening within you and respond in stronger, healthier ways rather than react from places of difficult emotion or unhealed wounds.

We are never done with our human formation and every circumstance shapes us. Your emotional life is as important to your priesthood as is the growth of your intellect and your will. God designed us that way. Our intellects, our wills, and our hearts are meant to be fully integrated in order to be whole and healthy, in any state of life!

If your goal is to become more of the person God created you to be (and I have no doubt that it is!), then giving yourself permission to pause and to reflect at moments like this will only help you grow in the self-knowledge necessary to increase your capacity for self-gift. I suppose that it might be difficult for you to allow yourself the space to slow down when so much needs to be accomplished practically in order to hand things off to your successor well.

Again, I exhort you to allow yourself to live differently in these next weeks and months so that you have the space to properly process and healthily experience all the good and the challenge that transition brings. You will be a better version of you and a healthier man overall when you have slowed down enough to move through the process of truly letting go of what’s soon to be past and fully embracing what is yet to come.

Jesus, in whose place you stand, stands with you now as you move. My husband and I had a captain steering our vessel, you have the Divine Captain steering yours. I have no doubt that wherever you are being sent will be exactly the place where you belong. God wants to work through you in that place on behalf of the people you will serve as much as he worked through you in the place you are soon to leave. But I also suspect that He is sending you to receive something as well.

God is always working, always giving that we might receive exactly what we need in abundance. I pray that the Lord will guard your heart as you let go of what has been and open it to all that it will be in months and years ahead. May you experience the power of God’s grace and His strength as you welcome and experience all that He has for you in this particular ending, this particular beginning and all that lies in between. And through every bit of this part of your journey through life, may the Lord give you the courage to rest, the freedom to grieve, and the capacity to receive love where He sends it.